Guess who's back... back again...

I really should have posted sooner.. but I've been really busy and there has been a lot going on.

I wasn't able to complete my challenge. This makes me really sad :(. If you follow me on facebook you may already know that I injured myself pretty badly about 2 weeks ago and I am still recovering.

I fell in the shower and injured my ribs. It was a really shitty feeling. I did the "dont fall" dance which probably resulted in me falling in the worst position possible. I fell directly onto the side of the tub and then fell back and bashed my head on the back of the faucet.

This hurt like hell.

I had to take two days off work because I was in so much pain and even the slightest movement killed me. I am a lot better now but I am not rushing to get back into my regular fitness regimen until I feel 100%. The only thing I've been able to do is power-walking which me and my hunny have been doing more often lately :).

Thursday I have a massage therapy session planned with my amazing massage therapist and hopefully that will help. I'm so pumped! I always look forward to my massages with her.

Anyways I figured it was time for an update :) So here it is.

I'm feeling really good lately and have been on the ball with my lifestyle change this past week. I had a rough beginning in the month of August and emotionally ate my way through my feelings. This resulted in me gaining everything I had lost in the previous three weeks in one week. Yes.. that freakin' sucked and I felt like a fat ass. Then I fell in the shower and things didn't really get better and I continued to emotionally eat (but not as badly.. I didn't gain thankfully). I decided this past week that I needed to make some changes in my life and have since lost 3 LBS!!!

I've consistently stayed within my points and have even had a bit of trouble eating them all which is rare. I wanted to get back to where I was when I was the most determined to lose weight... and I am back there!! It actually feels very refreshing.  I'm really proud of myself.

Anyways me and my lover are about to go power walking so I should go and enjoy this beautiful day. You should too!

Toodles!!

xo

Stephie

Best Week I've had

I can honestly say this has been THE BEST Weight Watchers week I've had in awhile.

 I've stuck to my plan.. made good choices, haven't used extra points and have been feeling much better about myself. MUCH better about myself. 

 I've had multiple people come up to me this week and tell me how amazing I'm looking and that whatever I am doing is working. I've had people tell me that I am their inspiration.. that they read my blog and immediately become inspired to change the bad habits in their lives. I can't believe that people consider ME their motivation! It feels sooo good :) 

It feels so good being able to go to bed with a few points left.. to be able to say "I'm bored.. But I AM NOT hungry!" to think "Just because there is chocolate available doesn't mean I NEED to eat it". To be able to think "If I eat this now I won't be able to eat that later".

I've been planning entire days ahead. I've been figuring out how to fit activity into my life. I've been eating healthy lunches.. I haven't been snacking throughout the day.

All of these changes by setting a single challenge. 

This week I re-realized what TRUE dedication feels like. and DAMN IT FEELS GOOD!

I started with small changes early on in the week and they stuck. It feels natural again. I have absolutely no desire to stuff my face.. no desire to have a "cheat day".. cheat days are for people on diets ;). I have no desire or cravings for greasy or fatty foods. I actually CRAVE fruit. I would choose fruit over a big mac any day because I KNOW after I ate the big mac I would have wished I had made the opposite decision.

Small changes erupt into bigger lifelong changes. 

With that said .. I've decided to make this a 2 week challenge and continue on for another week. This week will be a bit trickier as I am heading out of town for Friday and Saturday. I enjoy the challenge so it will be fun!

Anyways.. I must go. I will be announcing my new challenge at some point over the next week. Really excited to start it!

Toodles!

xo

Stephie

Making Changes

Oh boy.. has it been a crazy week.

A hard one too..I had a pretty nasty blister on the ball of my foot so it made even putting the slightest bit of pressure on my foot painful. Working out was out of the question.

Boy .. does working out make a difference in my life. I've really noticed it this past week. Last week I felt like shit.. which resulted in me eating like shit. I was not very careful at all. It did open my eyes though.. it's like I had an eyeopening experience where it just hit me. "What the fudge am I doing?! I need change and I need to get back into that mindset I was in when I first started Weight Watchers!"

I woke up Monday feeling like absolute shit and I thought "Today is going to be different". I planned my lunch.. planned my day and stayed within my points. I ate healthy and when I went to refill my water bottle at 11:30PM I tossed that "snack" thought out of my head and thought "you just want to eat because you're stressed and lazy" and guess what? I didn't eat. I wen't back to my room and did my nails.

Good for me.

*Pats self on back*

That is an achievement for me.

You know what? Today I feel better.. I feel healthier and less bloated and less pissy. I am in a good mood with a clear mind and I am looking forward to going home tonight and jumping on that treadmill. I am getting back into the right mindset.

Just because I have the points available to eat that chocolate bar or the fries from McDonald's does not mean I'm going to. Just because I could doesn't mean I should. Just because I want that burger does not mean I NEED that burger. Just because I have 17 points left for dinner does NOT mean I need to fill those 17 points with crap that will make me feel like crap after.

I need to be in weight-loss mode.. not maintenance mode. This is my journey.

Today I craved chocolate. I could have had chocolate as I had 13 points left over after all my planned meals. Did I? Nope. Why? Because I knew better.. I needed to make a point to myself and need to start retraining myself to NOT eat crap. What did I do instead? I waited for the craving to pass.. after 30 mins I was still hungry so I opted to have a bowl of popcorn. Much more filling and much healthier for you.

Another achievement.

I have a challenge set up for myself and my motivation buddies starting tomorrow. Getting 100% back on track. This means I WILL NOT be eating junk and sugary foods. This means I will ensure I am getting the correct amount of everything I need everyday. This means once I've used all of my 34 points I am done.. there will be no more snacking. If I need something I can eat some fruits or veggies. This means I will be getting on that treadmill more often throughout the week.. that I will be getting the 10 activity minutes every day that weight watchers requires.

This week I am also going to come up with a set plan on how I will move forward for the rest of the summer.
I am going to reread all of my weight watchers material to refresh my memory.

This will be good :)

I need this.

Anyways.. I must go!

Thanks for reading.

Stephie

Are You Happy?

Different ways to measure

Hey all!

Hope you are having a fantastic weekend. Mine has been fairly good so far.. I went hiking/trail walking with Amber on Saturday and then just hung out with the family today. It was great!

So I realized this month I have only lost .4lbs. That's not a lot. I'm not too bothered by it as I am feeling pretty comfortable with myself. I decided to do my measurements and I was VERY happy that I did! I am down 7cms this month alone. Holy shit!! That makes a total of 60 cms (and I started tracking measurements 3 months after I started losing weight.. dummy!)

That is a lot for a month. The hard work is paying off :). It feels damn good! The lack of eating out and the consistent working out and zumba is making a difference.

I am happy about that.

I also feel pretty good wearing shorter shorts than I am used to. I've never been able to wear shorts this short! I hate the look of shorts bunching up in your crotch so I was always afraid. And guess what... that didn't happen!! Makes me feel fantastic!!

My challenge is going.. okay. I have forgot to track before I ate a few things but I remember while I was eatting and pulled a "oh shit!" and tracked right away. At least I'm not forgetting and am tracking everything!

My other challenge with Autumn is going well. I am 3/4 for my workouts this week. On Wednesday Jenn and I went for an hour long walk with Noah which was fantastic.. Saturday I went hiking with Amber.. Today I did a 30 min workout on the treadmill.

Next workout will be Tuesday.. Zumba!

Should work out well and finish with a great success!!

Anyways.. It's almost 9 and that means True Blood time!! YES!!!!!

Gonna run.. toodles!

Steph

Learning to Love YOU

Hating on yourself is self destructive. When you only point out your flaws.. that is the only thing you will ever see. How can you be happy if you constantly say "I'm not good enough", "I'm too fat", "I hate myself", "I wish I was prettier", "I will always be single" or "LIFE SUCKS". etc, etc, etc.

If you do this you need to change your attitude. Let me tell you.. if you believe those things..  your life WILL suck and the only thing that is making your life suck is YOURSELF.

Learning to love yourself is not an easy task when you are surrounded by nothing but negativity and darkness. I know because I've been there. I am a success story. I was depressed, unhappy.. I cried almost every single day but everyone who knew me thought I was fine because I smiled all the time. They never understood what was going on underneath my "happy exterior". Here is an quote from my past personal blog (which I deleted as it was only negative and held horrible, horrible memories):

and now .. I am the girl who hates her self.. who hates mirrors and is always disguising my emotions because I hurt so bad. Sure, I am always smiling but that's what I have to do to not have to explain why I'm so sad. There are few things that make me happy anymore.. FEW..


Do you think I am that person today? HELL NO! I LOVE myself. I think I am BEAUTIFUL, smart.. sexy even! I smile non stop because I am radiating happiness inside and out.. I want to share my smile and have people see me at my best. I really am a success story. (AND I love mirrors :)) To think I thought those things just over a year ago.. to think I was in a place where I didn't want to move forward.. where I didn't think I'd be okay.. where I didn't think I'd find happiness ever again.

I believe in the power of thought.. most people who know me well already know this. I really do believe that if you focus on the positives in your life and focus on the things that matter instead of the shitty, negative things... Good things will come. Happiness will follow. I believe that YOU choose your own destiny. If your life sucks.. you are the only one who will be able to change that. If you are in a bad spot and you want things to be different.. you have to change that. Sometimes it might take a bit of time but it will happen!

How can you start? Learn to LOVE YOURSELF!

Loving yourself is key to being happy. Loving yourself does not make you conceited or an asshole. It is having self-respect .. unconditional self acceptance. When someone puts you down it doesn't mean that you shouldn't love yourself.. it means they need help.. that they have no personal self respect. When someone can go as low as to put another individual down do you think they are happy inside? Nope. Don't sit around waiting for approval from others because the most important thing in life is that you accept yourself.  Loving yourself is a beautiful thing!

If you don't love yourself.. why would anybody else?

Everyone is allowed to have a bad day.. every woman is allowed to have PMS and cry because she feels like shit.(its pretty natural right?) But when this happens every single day you really need to re-evaluate the way you are living your life and the way you see yourself.

What can you do to learn to appreciate and love yourself more?

• Look at yourself in the mirrow and repeat "You are beautiful.. you are fabulous.. you are loved." Do this every time you look in the mirror and repeat that ten times! (You can change the words but say something positive!)
• Work on being the best YOU
• Post notes around your room/work space/car with positive affirmations or positive quotes. Surrounding yourself with these things creates a positive environment. 
• Take care of yourself-- mind, body, and soul.
• Do random good deeds for others. When you do good things for others it really makes you feel good about yourself ( Plus I truly believe that karma exists!)
• DO NOT rely on other people to make you happy. 
• Let go of the past and the negative. Cherish what you have learned from those events but focus on the present and the positive.
• Create goals and work hard to achieve them. No matter how many times you do not succeed you are only a failure if you give up. 
• Don't let your past define who you currently are or who you intend to be.
• Be yourself and don't care what others think. Laugh, sing, dance.. just do you!
• Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend
• DON'T compare yourself to others. Being unique is fun.
• Misery loves company. Surround yourself with loving and positive people.
• Don't change yourself based on what other people think. Do this for YOU.
• Look at yourself through the eyes of those that love you. They know who you are and they CHOOSE to love you. 

I read this in my book (B is for Beauty) : " It's so funny: when you feel strong and happy, everybody wants to hang out with you, but when you allow yourself to feel miserable and lonely nobody will touch you with a ten foot pole"

Ain't that the truth?

Anyways I must take off.

Have a fantastic Thursday! Weekend is ALMOST here :)

xo

Steph

100th Post!

I can't believe I'm at my 100th post already. I also can't believe I've had over 3000 page views!

Holy crap!

So much has changed since I started this blog back in November of 2011. SO MUCH.

This blog has helped me grow in so many ways. I feel more confident.. I feel happier.. I feel more active. I just feel better! This blog has kept me motivated and I know it has motivated some of you. It really has made me feel great when some of you came to me and told me that my blog helped you realize you need change. That my blog motivated you to do things differently.. to set goals.. to work out more. I inspired people to change! You have noooooooooo idea how awesome that feels! If you came to me and said these things I would like to thank you (again). YOU saying that motivates me :)

Since I started this blog I am now working out 4-5 times a week instead of once every week or two. I am watching what I eat more carefully and setting mini goals for myself. Since I started I have not even thought about quitting. Not once. I even stuck it out while I was sick with mono for a month. I survived birthdays and Christmas and family gatherings. YOU were right there with me reading along.

I tried Zumba, incorporated power walking back in and have noticed improvements there. Started doing fun/new things on my stability ball.. AND I just recently started jogging (need alot of improvement there though). I've learned to own my mistakes. To not let an increase on the scale ruin my day/week. I've learned that enjoying myself is important and that depriving myself isn't realistic. I've learned exactly how my lifestyle change is supposed to work.

:)

I want to thank each and every one of you who have stuck by me these past few months and have continued to read. The support I receive from you all really does motivate me to go on and push harder. Without you I wouldn't be where I'm at and I wouldn't be writing. I wouldn't be this motivated.

Hope you have a fantastic day and get to go outside and enjoy the fabulous weather!

Adios!

Steph

Weighing In

Well I did it! I didn't want to do it but I still did it :). That .8 lb that I gained last week is officially gone! And it feels DAMN good!! But honestly I don't think that I would have been bothered if I had gained..

Things have been going well for me lately. Working out HAS become a habit for me now and I have learned to love it. I fell in love with getting in shape. I feel in love with the way my body has changed. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't change the way I thought about working out. I used to DREAD working out.. I used to come up with every single excuse in the book. I could have written the book on not working out excuses.

Instead I did a 30 day challenge.

A challenge to work out for 30 days straight. It wasn't easy at first.. it was actually quite hard. I remember thinking on day 10 how I didn't want to go on .. I could have quit right then but I didn't. I continued. Eventually working out just became a daily routine and I learned to love it.

I did my measurements last weekend. I gained last week so I just wanted to check.

Here is what has changed in the last month

Arms: -1cm
Hips: -..5cms
Bust: -2cm
Waist: -2cm
Thighs: -.5cm (they're now hard as hell... no jiggle!!)
Dress size: -2 (Now a 12!)

It feels good to SEE the results. to FEEL the results The scale is not that great of a judge.. It helps but it isn't everything. Most people can lose weight quickly. They can eat right and only eat certain things and the scale shows. Whatever works for them, right? That isn't how I do it. I do eat very healthy for the most part but i will NEVER, EVER cut any kind of food out of my life. Weight Watchers rule: NEVER DEPRIVE YOURSELF. And I won't! I ate cake this weekend and it was DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN good! I will never give up cake.

EVER.

I'm kind of rambling now but wanted to update :)

Gonna go.

Stephie

Day 11

Hey all,

So last night I got home from work.. ate dinner .. watched Mad Men (of course) and then went and did my short ZUMBA video. It is a total of 23 minutes.. gave me enough time to go see my hunny too :)

I love doing zumba and it feels soooo good. The quick video is one step up from my other video (even though it's shorter) as you DO NOT stop for a second. You zumba for 23 minutes straight with no song or music breaks. It makes me feel good knowing that I'm beat after that workout. :)

I sweat like a frickin pig! I even look like Alice Cooper when I am done my work out as I do not take my makeup off beforehand. OH WELL hahaah.

I weighed in today and gained .8 lbs. It kind of made me feel like shit but there is NO way I can actually be gaining fat. It has to be muscle. I work out and eat too healthy to be gaining. It doesn't really bug me that much as the NUMBER isn't what bugs me. My clothes feel loose... I can fit into my tinier summer clothes now :) I am actually starting to LOVE my body. YES. I said that I LOVE my body! Stretch marks, jiggly-ness, fat and all. I accept how I look. I LOVE how I look. I feel pretty when I go out.. I feel GOOD. I feel CONFIDENT!!

The sweat, the time, the devotion.. IT PAYS OFF!

I will not let a .8lb gain bring me down. I could probably go take a #2 and be DOWN. ahah Sorry TMI?

My weight does not define how I feel!

And with that said I must go... Toodles!!

Steph

Your weight does NOT define who you are

Good Afternoon my amazing readers

I hope you are enjoying this AMAZING friday! It is soo nice out! 22C. Can't complain :)

I wanted to write about the scale and your weight and how it does NOT define who you are.

Today my friend Gus told me that I have lost A LOT of weight since January.. and he emphasized the word A LOT. It made me feel great! I love receiving compliments and it gives me quite the ego boost. He went on about how it was inches from each side. THAT is what I lost.. inches. 

In reality my weight has fluctuated a lot over the last 4 months. I weigh the EXACT same I did on January 4th. I have gained a few lbs (from stupidity) and I am back down to my Jan 4th weight. Am I upset? No. Why? Because I can SEE the difference. I am working hard to shed those inches. I am gaining muscle! I am working out a minimum of 3 times per week (even that seems like it isn't enough now.. I'm on a roll!) and am watching what I eat. The Scale does NOT define who I am! I DO. The scale helps.. obviously if I get on the scale one day and see a gain of 10 lbs I'd probably shit myself.. but that is very unlikely to happen. This is why I love the term "lifestyle change". Not once in the last year have I told anyone that I am on a diet.. I have said I have changed my lifestyle. These tiny changes that I have made in the last year have made a huge difference! Come on.. I went from a size 18 to a 12!

The most important thing about being healthy is actually living the healthy lifestyle. This is why I hate the word diet.. to me diets are temporary. A diet is a quick fix. Do you just quit your diet when you get to where you want to be? When you eat SO strictly based on your "diet" how do you learn to incorporate your own lifestyle into your life? What are you going to do when someone throw's you a curveball and stops at McDonalds or another restaurant? What are you going to do when you're craving that peanut butter cup or those Munchos.. but they aren't part of your diet? I've been there.. I've done the "diet"... MULTIPLE TIMES. It didn't work. I lost the weight.. I gained it back.. why!?? Because I didn't know how to eat AFTER the fact. I eventually went back to the way I was eating before and almost hit 250 lbs.

I see soo many females who get upset because the number on the scale isn't dropping. But that isn't everything. Its those measurements, its the way your clothes are fitting, the way your body is tightening.. its the way YOU feel about yourself. THAT is what is important. 

Don't get upset when those numbers aren't showing you what you want to see.. eventually it will come. Focus on how your new healthy lifestyle is making you feel. Focus on the POSITIVE in your life.. everything else will follow.

I promise :)

Gotta run!

Toodles,

Stephie

Update: Before/After Pics

Hi all,

I posted on 11/11/11 my before after pics. Found here: http://thechallenge2change.blogspot.com/2011/11/my-beforeafter-pictures.html

I said I would post an update so here you go!

A few before pics (october-december 2010)

March 2012

I actually hate mirror shots but figured this was a decent way for a body shot. Please excuse the mess in my second picture. I did actually clean AFTER that.. plus I didn't think I would be posting this to my blog lol. I posted that second shirt as it used to be SKIN TIGHT. Look at it now! It hung off my body :). I gave it away!

Makes me feel GOOOOOOD!

Have a Happy Hump Day!

Toodles,

Steph

Day 30- Challenge COMPLETE!!!

YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!! I have completed my challenge and finished 30 days of workout!!

I feel fantastic! I've noticed sooo many changes and I'm soo proud of myself. Some of the things I've noticed are:

• I can last longer on the treadmill without getting winded.
• I look forward to working out!
• My legs feel toned!
• 1st Zumba class I thought I was going to die after 20 minutes. I just made it through an hour feeling great and wanting more!!
• Planning workouts ahead of time.
• Feeling sexy in my clothes!!

My favourite is that last one ;).

I feeeeeeeeeeeel good na na na na na na na.

You get it! haha

Anyways.. Tonight Mom, Amber and I went for a Zumba class and we had a BLAST. I pushed through the entire class and enjoyed every single minute of it. Even when my arms were burning and I wanted to scream. haha. I honestly wanted to do another class after :|. What a difference!!

:)

Thanks for your support and I encourage you to start up your own 30 day challenge. Of anything! Challenge yourself to something for 30 days! Help yourself build a habit :)!

I will be having another challenge soon. I haven't thought of what it will be but you know I will keep you informed.

Good night!

Steph

Day 4!

I can't believe it's lunchtime and I've already completed my workout! :) Kind of a good feeling!

Today I took it a bit easier and just went for a 20 minute speed walk around the block. I went by myself today as I wanted to just clear my mind and listen to music. I am feeling much better and the nausea from last night didn't last too long :).

I'm really excited for my night. Its Jersdaayyyy so I'm going to spend time with my bestie Jenn :)! We always have a blast even though.. we don't really do anything lol. We truly rock :)

Today I made a huge step and deleted my old blog. I've kind of being reorganizing my life and recycling the bits that just don't fit anymore.. if that makes ANY sense at all. I don't need that negative reminder around of my past anymore. I don't really want anyone to read that and see the horror stories from my past. I am a completely different person now. A stronger person. I like this me :)

I hope you do too :)

Time to get back to work!

Later!

Steph

Happiness List

So I got this idea from a blog I follow.. to create a happiness list :)! As most of you know I am a very happy person so this list could be pretty long! Here goes...

The best thing that happened to me over the past year was finally getting together with Pete! Most of my friend know that I had liked him for a very, very long time so for me it was basically the best thing that could have ever happened! I've never been happier with anyone else in my ENTIRE life! Being with him feels so natural and right. He's like my best friend and my boyfriend all wrapped into one. He makes me soo happy!

My Parents :) - I've always had a good relationship with my parents (mainly in my adult years). I am especially close with my mom as we can talk about anything and everything :) It's great! She's one of my best friends.

Jenn- She is the one who makes me the happiest out of everything in this entire universe. She is the most incredible person I know and without her in my life I would be very unhappy. This September will be our 10 year friendiversary.. Yes .. we have a friendiversary. She understands me like no one else ever has and we can even have a full on conversation with just our eyes. We can sit on the couch for 3 hours straight and say 10 words and still have the greatest time ever. Without my best friend I would not be the person I am today. She is giving and she is smart and beautiful and is the most amazing person I've ever known. Thank you Jenn for being such an excellent friend and person :) The world is a better place because of you!

Ahhh, my Steelers. In General football makes me very happy. Every Sunday I sit on the couch like a lazy bum for hours and watch football. I love it. Watching my Steelers play is awesome.. I get so into it and scream at my TV with joy (and sometimes disappointment). Next year will be our year! We made it into the playoffs with 1/2 our team injured.. I am very impressed!

My beautiful dog Brady. whom I named after the best looking football player in the NFL. He makes me smile every day and when I'm sad and crying this guy snuggles up to me and it almost seems like he gets it. I love my boo!

Music in general makes me very happy. As you know I am part of a band and that is also a big part of my happiness. One thing I really love is Mashups. When you love two songs and they are mixed together it is rad!

Sunsets- They are just so gorgeous. This is my place in the winter :)

Yes I enjoy Jersday. To be honest I'm getting a bit sick of the show but every "Jersday" I get together with my bestie Jenn and we have dinner, watch our shows, do our nails, have girl chats and relax! My favourite day of the week!

When there is NOTHING else in the world that can make me smile.. THIS movie cheers me up.. It has worked so many times and I love it. I grew up watching this movie with my grandparents and now I know almost every word :)

"MAGGGGGGGNAAA!" I'll never forget the first time I had this drink lol. Saysha kept saying "MAGNA" in her awesome south african accent. Its hard for me to call it MagnERS now and when I get too drunk sometimes I call it Magna.. *SMH* This is a treat for me and it is so tasty!

Cofffffeeeeeee! No need to explain!!! I LOVE ME SOME COFFEEE!!

With that said.. There is my list for today! There are many things that make me happy but in reality.. I don't have all day to talk about them or enough room!

I must go.

Toodles!

Steph

Quote of the Week

Happy Saturday friends :)

Hope you all enjoyed this lovely cold and snowy weather we have been having. If you know me you know I LOVE IT!! Soon I will be able to snowmobile! ehehe

Anyways.. I wanted to make sure I shared this quote with you all

I will wear the scars of my decisions forever, but I will no longer let them shape who I am. The past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me. It has only strengthened me.

I'm not sure whos quote this is but I enjoy it. I have a lot of scars from my past. I've been treated like garbage by way too many people.. too many times. I was way too forgiving. I honestly believed I would never be happy again.. that no one could love me because I was worthless. I remember my ex telling me that I would never find someone like him again. WELL THANK GOD!!!!!

I am with the most amazing guy I've never met. Someone who can bring a full on smile to my face just by crossing my mind.

The past has not destroyed me.. even though I thought it would.

The past has not deterred me.. even though I thought it would.

I DID NOT let it defeat me.

In December of 2010 I wrote this after getting out of an abusive relationship:

He ruined me.. he ruined who I was.. I was a confident, happy person who never stopped smiling..and now .. I am the girl who hates her self.. who hates mirrors and is always disguising my emotions because I hurt so bad. Sure, I am always smiling but that's what I have to do to not have to explain why I'm so sad. There are few things that make me happy anymore.. FEW..

Today I feel incredible. I feel sexy.. I feel pretty.. I have never been happier in my entire life. I don't hurt. I smile all the time because I AM happy and I love telling everyone about WHY I am so happy :)

I am a new person. A stronger person. Though those scars are still with me they do not shape who I am today. Anybody who knows me knows that I am a different person. I walk with a different air of confidence. I smile for no reason at all! I am no longer unhappy with the way I look or with my life.

I am me. I am strong!

And I am not changing!

Keep smiling peeps and enjoy the weekend!

Steph

Quote of the Week

Hi all,

This quote of the week reminds me of the things people are saying to me about my blog. This quote relates to the inspiration that I have helped others achieve within themselves. I love this quote and now I am sharing it with you :)

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared- Buddha

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I believe being happy is one of the greatest things about life. That even in the darkest of days there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. That sharing your happiness with others and helping others to see the good in themselves is a beautiful thing. People think I'm wack because I smile ALL OF THE TIME (that isn't a lie... apparently I even smile in my sleep!!). Sharing a smile with a stranger can be a touching experience. There was one day I was feeling like shat.. I had just left my doctor's office after finding out I had mono. I was really, really upset. I walked out of the building and this man was walking towards me and just smiled and said "hello". I smiled and said hello back. It seriously brought me out of my funk. Made me feel good even though inside I felt very unhappy and sad. Share your happiness people! There is more than enough to go around!!

Enjoy your saturday!

Stephie

Day 10!

Hey all,

I'm on day 10 of my reading challenge and I have already finished one book and am onto the 2nd book in the series :) It's gotten pretty addicting.. :) I want to slap myself when I forget my book at home because I can't read over lunch :(.

What can ya do, eh?

Anyways.. things otherwise are going really well and I'm LOVING life! I seriously couldn't be better. I'm struggling a bit on the weight loss but I think a large part of that is me not working out. I'm going to start slowly incorporating activity into my routine over the weekend. I am seriously getting stir crazy and want to jump back onto the work out wagon badly! I downloaded this app on my phone called Nike Training. Its a free app on my iPhone and it tracks your workouts and even supplies your workouts for you! I haven't tried it yet but I'm looking forward to starting. I think I will try that out tomorrow morning. Let's see if I fall over or stride through it.. I will definitely let you know!

I've been hearing "you've lost more weight!!!" lately when the reality is that I havent.. at all. It's kind of upsetting but I know it's not REALLY my fault. I had a major set back with the mono and it came at a WOOOOONDERFUL time when I was soooooooo motivated!!

When I get down about it I just say to myself "Stephanie you're not going to gain 40 lbs over night.. you've come a long way and you're moving forward not backwards so snap the f**k out of it!!"

haahah

I'm a loser.

So on Tuesday we had another band practice. First of this year! With a few members on vacay it was a tiny turnout but we have 2 of our new coops joining which is awesome!!! Lots of talent coming out :) Have I mentioned how much I love my job??

Last night I hung out with my best friend, Jenn. She is truly an amazing person.. I love her sooo much! She makes me feel so comfortable and I can talk to her about ANYTHING .. even laughing hysterically about how the ultrasound technician had said in an asian (??) accent "ooooooh SOOO much gaaaaaas". Yes!! I had beans the night before.. but didn't really want to admit it. TMI?

Anyways.. it is time for me to go :)

Later!

Stephie

Who's that girl?

Hey guys!

One of my coworkers Georgina (pictured below) had suggested I post pictures from this years holiday party compared to last years holiday party. I thought that would be a great idea! Though the pictures don't look that drastic it still makes me feel great.. and I've lost about 8 lbs since the party! Whoot!!! :)

Here they are!

Holiday Party 2010

Me & Georgina

Still don't know what I was thinking with that lipstick *SMH*

Feeling a bit hungry.. maybe I will snack on this microphone!!

Deciding on the next song

Holiday Party 2011

Me talking to the band

Me and one of my closest work friends, Gus

Me and my man.. he LOVES getting pictures taken :)

Talking to my Primates

Bog Ferret!!!

Me :)

I really like showing you these pictures because it encourages me to do better.. soon these "after" pictures will be included in the before pictures! Sometimes I look at pictures of what I used to look like and I don't even recognize myself. I think to myself "How could I ever let myself get that bad?? How did I let this happen?" Change is a beautiful thing :) I feel so much better about myself and love it!!

I can't wait to see where this journey takes me!

Have a happy hump day!

Stephie

Inspiration

Over the past few weeks I've had multiple people come to me and tell me that I have inspired them to change things in their lives. To do things differently, to set goals, to start a weight loss plan... many things! All because of me and this blog. Reading about me achieving my goals and accomplishments, my failures and my story has inspired them to change! These people tell me that I inspire them.. when really hearing this inspires ME. Hearing about that makes me want to push myself harder so that I can prove to them that these things can really be done!

I was seriously lost at this point in 2011. I didn't know what to do or how to change my unhappiness. I just constantly had negative thoughts running through my head "you're fat" "you're a bitch" "you're stupid" "you're boring" "you want to lose weight? Come talk to me when you have lost weight". Why? Because I constantly heard these things over and over and over and over again for almost FIVE YEARS!! It wasn't easy for me to change. It wasn't easy for me to convince myself that I could change. I knew I needed to see progress before my mind would pull a complete 180.

I had three quotes that I constantly referenced:

"The most important thing is to enjoy life- to be happy.. thats all that matters"- Audrey Hepburn

"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same"- Francesca Reigler

& my personal favourite;

"I am only one but still I am one. I cannot do everything but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do"- Edward Everett Hale

Now I am here in 2012 and I could not be happier with my life. I've achieved so much! I've made an insane amount of changes and have amazing, positive people in my life. Why? Because I set my mind to change. I made myself happy by changing the negativity in my life. By pushing it far, far away from me!

I accomplished a lot over the last year and am finally happy with myself and my life. Can I do more things to improve? Of course! Can you? If you incorporate positivity in your life you will find a way. All you have to do is believe in yourself. If you truly believe you can accomplish something you will. You may have to give it everything you have and BELIEVE.. after you have done those two things it WILL be done.

Just believe in yourself.

Thanks for reading!

Steph

Changes of 2011

I really can't believe it when I think of all the changes that occured for me in 2011. There are so many and I can honestly say that I am SO, SO proud of myself.

I have completely changed my life around and am EXACTLY where I want to be :)

Some of the things that changed in 2011

• I lost 40 lbs!!- Yes I finally hit my 40 lb mark and am sooo happy!! It's been quite the journey but I think losing 40 lbs in one year is remarkable :) I posted some pics below to show me last Christmas and then pictures from this Christmas.
  
  
• I rediscovered myself- This time last year I was lost. I was broken. I had just gotten out of a 4.5 year abusive relationship(in every single way.. mostly emotional) and I honestly thought I would never be happy again. I didn't think I'd be able to move on or be able to REALLY smile again. I got so used to putting up a front around people that they never thought I was hurting inside. I guess it was a way of protecting myself. In 2011 I started out the year keeping myself busy and making sure I was surrounded by people who loved me. I started losing weight and eventually found my confidence again. I realized that I am a good person and that I am loveable. I found my sense of humour.. didn't worry about what other people thought of me and started being myself again. I am a giving, kind hearted person and that person will NEVER, EVER go away.
  
  
• I got a promotion!- I started working at Primal in September 2009 part time. I instantly loved my job and knew that I wanted to stay there for awhile. I was only getting about 25 hours a week and needed more money to pay the bills so I was working another part time job. This didn't really bother me as I LOVE working :) In January I started full time and was able to quit my part time job! I couldn't be happier.. its like a have a work family :)
  
  
• Fell in love- This one is the most important one to me :) I had been into Pete for a very long time. Pretty much since we started hanging out during our lunch breaks (we met at Primal). I was instantly attracted to his sense of humour, his smile and his kind eyes :). We talked every single day at work over MSN. He'd send me songs and we had pretty much the same music taste.. I loved that! He quickly became one of my closest friends and I was terrified to tell him I liked him because A) we worked together.. could become awkward, B)Fear of rejection and C) I didn't want to lose the friendship if he didn't feel the same way. He quit in June of this year and we still talked every single day over FB chat :) I finally decided to tell him and it was the best thing I've ever done!! It took a few days for him to come around and admit it too but we hung out one night and watched True Blood and Breaking bad and have been inseparable ever since. I've never felt something like this and really hope this lasts forever!!! Jan 5th will be 5 months for us :). I finally found someone who I can be myself with in every single way.. and he makes me feel beautiful everyday.. even when I look like a bum and am wearing no makeup :) SOOO HAPPY <3<3<3
  
  
• Dumped shitty friends- I decided that if being a good friend was a priority for me.. I deserved the same! I had many people treat me like shit in 2010 and wasn't going to let that happen in 2011. When the red flags started showing.. I kicked them to the curb. No need for that!
  
  
• Became closer to my closest friends- One in particular. My best friend Jenn. She is my one and only and gets me better than anybody ever has. We can talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and I think we could gross out most guys by our conversations. haha. She is the best person I've ever met and we've been best friends for 9 years now! She truly gets me and would do anything to fix any problem I have. I love her so much.
  I've also become a lot closer to some of my other friends including Amber who has been amazing. I've known her since I was in grade 10 and we're closer than we've ever been. She's one of my closest friends and I'd do anything for her! Another friend is Stef :) She is amazing and so beautiful inside and out. We have gone through a lot of the same struggles so it's nice having a buddy to go through it with. I know you'll be the first one to read this.. love you soooo much girl!!! Another friend I've become close to is Sam. We met when she was a co-op at Primal last year and she quickly became my go to coworker for everything.. she has been an amazing friend and always offered me the best advice and was always there to listen to me when I was down and needed to be lifted up. :) She is one of the most amazing people I have EVER met.
  
  
• Bought a brand new car! - Got my new car! My lovely madza3 that I love soooooo much!
  
  
• Stopped drinking pop- I love pop.. maybe a little bit too much. It was really hard to give up at first but I knew it was one thing I needed to kick to have a healthier lifestyle. In 2010 I drank 3-4 cans of pop a DAY and no water.. no joke. I was a Canada Dry addict!! mmm gingerale. This year I kicked the habit and now only drink water (and coffee.. a bit of an addict on that one though)
  
  
• Discovered my love of snowmobiling- One thing I quickly became addicted to in early 2011 was going snowmobiling with my dad. I usually hate winter but this year that has changed! It became one of my favourite past times and cannot wait for there to be a heavier snowfall so we can go out and hit the trails!
  
  
• I started volunteering at a homeless youth drop in centre- This one makes me feel great. In May I started Volunteering at a place called ROOF. This place has seriously changed my life. Seeing the progress in some of the youth and the bonds I have developed with soo many of them is amazing. This has made me question my path in life and I'm seriously considering going back to school to go into this field.
  
  
• Joined a band- Many of my friends and family know that I LOVE to sing.. I feel like I am quite good at it. After filling in for the singer of the Primal band "Bog Ferret" it became a permanant thing in 2011 :). We meet every tuesday night and jam out at the office :) Love it so much and my band mates are awesome!!!
  
  
• Changed my view on working out- I used to HATE .. HATE working out. It was pretty much a chore for me and I never did it. This year I discovered that I actually love to be active and it has really helped me in this weight loss. I haven't been able to work out for the last month as I have mono but in 2012 it is going to be a HUGE thing for me. Gonna incorporate activity into my daily routine.

Here are the pictures I talked about earlier in this post.

Christmas 2010

Pictures from Christmas 2011

I feel like I even look happier! hehe

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more posts in 2012!

xo

Stephie